Unsignificant

You are more than worth it and you are so significant and yes life can be hard but you are here for a reason!!

My coworker and one of my now good friends said tonight that life right now was so insignificant and that broke my heart a little bit because that's so untrue. We were put here on this earth for a reason. He asked me why I said that life isn't insignificant and I told him "because we were made for Christ, to glorify Him and Serve Him to share the truth of His perfect love". I know life can sometimes feel like so unimportant or worthless and trust me I would know but we're not promised a perfect easy happy life...its just reality. Sometimes we have to go through the really hard and unknown part of life to get to the good stuff, the stuff that God has been working on for us since the beginning.

I want you all to KNOW that your life/you are SO significant. You were created for a reason, you ARE meant to be here. I want to share something with you but I'm not sure if I'm ready to be that vulnerable and transparent yet! haha Maybe in the next couple of weeks! I'm sure everyone struggles with feeling insignificant or unworthy or like they don't fit in and trust me I would know. I've struggled with this for over 3 years and at times it seems like it's going to last forever and I'm still struggling with it but it will get better! I think that each year will bring something different and it always does..growth! I want to share a piece from my journal

-November 10,2014

"loved by many? What does that mean, I don't know. I wish I did, its hard because I don't ever feel loved. I feel like its me doing all the loving but getting nothing in return. I don't know exactly what my deal is but it hurts. I just want someone to fight for me, to love me for me. My life is a big mess and I don't know how to get back on the track, I've been on this messy messy roller coaster for like ever now....I can't handle it. I just want to escape from it all. Do you think if I was to disappear for a while if anyone would notice? Probably not. People think I'm this happy person all the time but they don't understand whats going on..like really..I don't want to have a pity party but at the same time I just want to soak...

Why can't I get away. I've been stuck here for 18 long years. I can never just get away. Stuck here for life but I don't want to be stuck....I want to be able to live somewhere were I'm appreciated for what I do, wear, say, everything. I want to be noticed but that's not going to happen. Do you ever wonder if people think about you as often as you think about them? I wonder about that a lot..life can be such a struggle. Lord, is life suppose to be this hard? I know that you said life isn't easy and that I'll have trails and temptations and to count them all joy but how do I count them all joy when it hurts so much? I just want a friend, someone I can talk to about everything someone to take the time to listen and get to know me for a change. Lord I know I have you..that's why I write in this book. Thank you for always being there to talk to, for listening, and loving me always!"

That is just a little glimpse into what I've been going through for the last 3 years of my life. Life is hard and at times I have felt so insignificant but in those times I cling to Jesus because of what He did on the cross and I now have hope knowing that there will be brighter days and that even when I don't understand what he is doing that He has everything under control and is working everything out for His glory and my good!

With that being said I want you all to know that sometimes its okay to not be okay! I know that the world makes it seem that you have to be okay all the time or get certain things to be happy in life but in reality that never really helps! I feel like sometimes its okay to be in your feelings soaking and take it all in...maybe even a good cry will help. That actually seems to do the trick for me...most of the time! I want you to know that you're never alone in this. I pray that whoever is reading this and is going through the same thing that God would surround them with good Godly loving friends that will show them his love and be there for them in what ever way they need!! I'm always here if you ever need to talk and I'll do my best to help you out or just be there to be a friend! Love you all

Forever&Always

P.S. I'm so sorry for this late post, I went out of town this weekend and I forgot to schedule my post!! I'm so sorry. I hope you enjoy this post and it encourages you!!