What If

What a blessing it is to write to you all and let my words come to life. Thank you all for being so good to me and reading my blog. I've been thinking about just Jesus' sovereignty over my life and all the things and people he's allowed me to befriend and have in this earthly life! I titled this blog post What If because what if all the things and people that have come in and out of your life never happened. Would you still be the same person you are now? Would you still think the same? Would you still do the same things?

That has been on my mind for quite a bit over the last couple months! I wonder what would have happened if I would have gone away when I was going through a REALLY rough time. What would have happened to me and what I believed? I'm not sure where I would be if I did. When I was going through my depression stage I was offered to go out of state to Georgia for school with my job and at first I was so really ready to leave and move on from everything and everyone I knew in AZ. I was going to do it. It was only a two year college program with what I was offered but what I needed to get in to the school I didn't have and so there was no way I would have been able to go. What if I would have gone though, I wouldn't have met any of the people I know now...I probably would have been a different person than you all know. I guess we'll never know what would have been. Maybe I would be married now with kids....maybe not....probably still single because I have a lot of work to do on myself. :/ I obviously didn't end up going and I started a new job at Waffle Love and even though I still struggled with what was going on.. I don't think I would have changed a thing.

The reason why I say I wouldn't change a thing is because I met some amazing people and I hope for them to be long lasting friendships. I mean seriously can we just talk about a few of them...Josh. Honestly I wish you all could meet him because he is one of the most real, straight the point person you'll probably ever meet in your life. He is truly genuine and SO much fun to be around. He has been such a blessing in my life and I don't think I could do a lot of the things I've done over the past couple months without him. He is such an encouragement to me and I think God placed him in my life for a reason and a purpose and I'm excited to see how He strengthens our friendship and what he'll do.

Kaden: My very very good friend! He has such a sweet heart. Its super funny because when I first started working here I thought he didn't like me and it was really awkward because he never talked to me. haha but then we started to have a lot of shifts together and so we had to talk and then we became super close and good friends! We had the best shifts ever and I would do anything to have a shift with him again. He left for Canada this past year and i miss him so much. He is so kind. So for those of you who know me I'm usually the one to buy you things or initiate almost anything and everything but when Kaden and I became friends, he was the one to offer me things and buy things for me. It threw me off at first because no one has ever really done that for me and I'm so used to it being me but it just showed that we were friends. I mean just because you buy some one food and stuff doesn't really mean that you are friends but it shows the other person that you care and that you're thinking if them and not just yourself. He's taught me to be selfless and have more of a servants heart and to be kind everywhere you go. Make life an adventure everywhere you go. I miss talking to him but I can't wait for the day that he comes home!!

Douglas, Cody and Kallen. These three people right here are the only people that keep me sane at this job(waffle love). I wouldn't be able to still be working here without them. They are very kind to me and I'm glad I have met them. I don't get to work or see Kallen and Cody as much as Douglas but I do enjoy them as friends. I know work friends don't always last a lifetime as other friends because people come and go but I hope that we can be friends after we all go our separate ways after this job. I guess we'll just have to see. I'll be my part and that's all I can do. I am very thankful for them and the impact they have had on me.

My volleyball team. My goodness! I believe that with everything that was going on with me and the feeling of feeling lonely and wanting to be accepted God really was sovereign in showing me that I was loved and accepted. My girls were always to so happy to see me when it was game day or practice and they were so accepting of me. They poured out so much love to me and showed me so much grace with my first year of coaching. I wouldn't have wanted to coach a different group of girls than I did last season for the first time. They brightened my every day and made me feel like I could do anything. They were proud of me! I was proud of me, I mean for once in over the 3 years of hurt and pain I did something for myself and I did it well. I led my team to the championship game but we couldn't pull out a win and that okay because they improved so much and I wouldn't change the outcome for anything! I love my team so much and God taught me that even the smallest things are important and that I don't have to be loved or accepted by everyone but by the ones that matter and most important HIM!!

School didn't play a huge part but if I did end up going. If I were to have left for Georgia I wouldn't have gone to MCC and met one of my good friends Lindsey! She's a mom and so she's a little older than me but that's okay! We have homework dates and its super fun to be able to have someone to do your homework with. I appreciate some one to to do homework with and have conversation with!!

Anyways the reason why I say all of this stuff is that you never know what God is doing or working on to show you something you need or just to have you rely on Him more than ever! I could have easily left and went to school in Georgia and I'm sure I would've loved it but....I wouldn't have met any of those people I mentioned. I wouldn't have grown in the relationships that I already have like my friend Garr, I've known him since I can remember and he's the only person besides Iggs that knows me better than anyone else in this world. He pushes me to be better everyday and can always make my crappy days so much better!! He is the best!

Jakob....guys this kid is so much fun to hang around. He has been so kind to me and stayed up till midnight talking with me about all my drama.. :/ I'm lucky to have him in my life and as my best friend!! Also he's a freaking beast on the court. His younger brother Hayden is like my little brother too. He is so SO sweet and kind to me all the time. He's always there to talk and has such a heart of GOLD.

]El! You have such a heart of GOLD and you are so beautiful on the inside and out. I love being able to call you my friend. You have blessed my life so much over these last couple months and I honestly wish we would have become friends sooner!. You are always there to talk to you and we share a lot of the same issues and heartache and so its been a joy to have someone talk to about things were struggling through...#hearttohearts Don't ever stop being you because that is the best thing you could ever give someone and if they don't see how great you are then they are truly missing out..love you!!

Arri, I don't know you incredibly well but from what I do know about you is so very precious to me!! I'm excited to see how God grows our friendship over the next years!!

I can't wait to see what God does with all these relationships I have! I hope and pray that these people I call friends will last a lifetime!! So to answer my questions that I started out in the beginning with this post is that we always say "What if" and sometimes I think its okay to wonder and imagine what life or situations would be like if different outcomes or situations occurred or didn't occur but I think what does happen will help us grow into the person we are suppose to be! I still have a LOT of growing and maturing to do but with all the situations that have occurred in my life over the past years was the trail God placed in my life to change me and help me grow into the young woman he is calling me to be! I don't believe I'm the same person I was 4 years ago and I defiantly don't think or do the same things I did back then. I hope to change and to become the person God is calling me to be. I hope and pray to finally get over this and move on. I want to be happy again. I want to be myself again!

Forever&Always

P.S. Thank you for being patient with me....I'm sorry this came out so late. Love you all!