The busyness of life

Hey all it's been a very long time since I've written and I'm sorry! Life sometimes just gets in the way and you can't stop or control it! I want to give you an update on what has been going on in my life and how God has been working!

Since the start of August I've been in full swing with volleyball and school, and oh my goodness it has been so crazy! I'm taking two classes one of which is a public speaking class which I don't care for because public speaking scares me and I shake so bad and my heart pounds and it is just not a pleasant picture! I wish it was easier for me to do but no. All the people in my life keep telling my and reminding me that this class will be good for me and it'll make everything easier and blah blah blah but I just can't handle this class. I've given two speeches already and I freak out every time. The first speech I did I got a A and I think my second speech went well but I don't know, I just want to pass this class with an A. Two speeches down two more to go, so if you guys think of me anytime will you just say a quick prayer for me that God would just calm my heart when I speak? Thank you!

Volleyball! My goodness, God blessed me with some amazing girls.I had 12 of them and at times it was very hard because I had to figure out a way to get them in and play the girls that actually wanted to play and be on the court but then that would cause problems because then parents would ask me why there child isn't playing all the time. I didn't realize how much parents complained, I just don't understand why parents think their child is the best. I hope and pray that when I grow up and have children one day that I won't be that parent and I'll just be thankful my child made the team and trust the coach unless the coach isn't acting in a good manner. We had some very rough times during our season and at times I'm not going to lie I came home crying and wanting to quit because it was to much and I felt like I wasn't doing my part in making my girls stronger plays. I just didn't and don't understand sometimes the things that they do on the court when I tell them otherwise. I was really bummed our team didn't make it to playoffs because we played more games than other teams and they had a better record than us....ummm......okkkkkk. I was annoyed but I know God has a plan and I'm learning to trust him in all of life no matter how hard it is. The season was good and I want to coach again next season and me and my girls are coming for state!!

Church. The Lord has been doing so much in my heart and I just want to share a little bit of it with you! I am leaving my parents church and will be attending a new church very soon within the next month so. God has really been laying on my heart that my parents church is not the church for me it doesn't at all mean that I'm walking away from the faith it just means that I'll be worshiping with a different church family which is awesome!! The new church that I've been attending has been such an amazing experience. The pastor is straight to the point and he really shows who God is in his word and then tells you how to apply it to your life and walk with him! Every Sunday after the service they always leave you with a few words "you are loved" and I just really truly believe that God has placed me there for a reason! God knows how much I struggle with feeling loved by people and at times even him but I know that I am so I believe that he's given me a church like this to know that I am loved and not only by people but the most important, the creator of the universe loves me even more than I'll ever know or understand! The people there have been so sweet to me so welcoming. When you walk in you don't feel overwhelmed or anxious like you have to be some one your not which is so refreshing and I've fallen in love with it. The people aren't overly nice which is so great because you know when you go to a church and they're just so over the top...and you wonder if they're just doing it because they're a church or if they're actually really happy you're at church. Well yeah, thankfully the church I'm attending isn't like that! Its been quite an amazing journey and I'm so thankful to God for a church like this one! God has been really tugging at my heart to truly trust him with my life. EVERY aspect of it! He's really been tugging at my heart that I need to trust him and know deep down that He loves me. Loves me more than any boy will, more than my family, more than my coworkers, and more than the people just in my life. He created me just the way he wanted me...all dramatic, extra and a whole lot of work but He made me in His image and that is more than anyone could ask for! My identity and who I am is not measured by how many likes I get on instagram or views on snapchat or likes/retweets on twitter but it can only be found in Him, the one who loves my soul and came to earth and lived a perfect sinless life, died on the cross, and rose again so that I could live a life in him! "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."-Galatians 2:20 "I am a new creation", I am made new in him! I love that about the God I serve, He knows what I've done in my past but He loves me anyways and He came to relieve me from all the pain and hurt I'll face. That is what the cross is about!! I love living a life of Christ even when it gets really hard!! I hope and pray that you guys will search and seek the Lord with your whole heart because He wants a relationship with you!!

Friendship/relationships. I'm still walking through this valley everyday but good thing I have a good Sheppard to guide me through the valley to living waters! I was going to the outlets the other day and my mom asked me who I was going with and I said nobody. She looked at me and was like your friends bailed on you again and then she was like how are you doing with that and I looked at her and said you know it sucks not having people investing in your lives but that shouldn't stop me from doing that things that I like. I obviously don't like doing things alone because I'm a people person but you learn to live with it. You learn to walk in the season of life that you're in. Longing, hoping and praying for the day that the Lord answers my prayers and brings people into my life that are in it for the long hall and are going to pursue me. 50/50 friendship! I was meeting of up with my friend from high school that moved to Mexico and we sat an talked for 7 hours about everything and in that moment as we were talking about life and what is going on in our lives I realized that she is such a good friend to me. She's always there for me, she checks up on me, she pursues me, she gives me advice and she's just overall a good friend. I've missed out on a great friendship with her because I was to busy with my life and pursing friendships that weren't worth it, that I never really pursued her friendship like I should have but it's not to late to change and I'm so looking forward to what God will do in the years to come with our friendship! My other friendships are going pretty well I'm just trying to figure out how to nurture them and stay on top and continue to be who I am and not let anyone change me. I love people so much and I want them to know that they are more than worth it and show them the love of Christ! I would do ANYTHING for the people that I love! Anything. Friendships are lots of work and it takes time and effort from both people to make a friendship work and work well!

Relationships are just a package full of surprises....I mean I guess you can't quite quote me on that because I've been in a relationship. haha but from being around others relationships I know that it is a lot of work! I want to be in a relationship, I really do. I pray to be in a relationship someday. I know God is sovereign in all things and that He has my future under control and if I am to be in a relationship one day He has the man too, but sometimes I don't see it happening at all! Every guy I've ever liked whether I've told them I liked them or just quietly liked them has ALWAYS not felt the same way or chooses another girl over me and I'm not just saying that to be dramatic. I could tell you some stories but that would take a minute. I'm defective in this area I'm pretty sure! I'm pretty sure people just look at me as a older sister or a mother figure which sucks because I'm more than that. I'm just going to be slightly vulnerable in this aspect in my life.....I like this guy and I really thought that he liked me too but now I don't know! It's confusing and sometimes I wish I could just tell him how I feel! I wish I could just be so vulnerable and say "Hey, I really like you more than a friend and I want things to move forward with us if you feel the same way" but I get super scared and I don't at all want to ruin a friendship because I believe friendship is one of the most important things in life. Plus I'm 100% sure he likes another girl...just my luck! I know God is good and in control of everything in my life and I want to trust Him, I'm learning to trust Him! He has my life in His hands and that's honestly the best place to be! To the man out there that I'll hopefully date one day I pray for you and for me because I am a piece of work! Prayer is an amazing thing not because you get to ask for want we want but when we are seeking God with our whole heart and pursuing Him He answers prayers!! It might not happen right when we want it but it is when we need it most! He answers our prayers because he loves us! I know that if I keep seeking the Lord that He WILL answer my prayers for a best friend and true friendship, he will answer my prayers for a boyfriend, he will answer my prayers to whether to go out of state or not and all the things in my life that I struggle with! I believe it! I'm trusting and leaning into Jesus because I want to live a life for Him! So if the Lord wants me to be single in this season of life I'm going to try my hardest to be content and praise His name even if I don't understand what He's doing or how he's working in my life!

My life has been SO busy but I've loved every minuet of it even in the hard times! I've learned so much in these past 3 months and I wouldn't change any of it for the world! In the past 3 months I've learned to love bigger and deeper and not to focus so much on myself but to truly love with out any limits. I've learned to be diligent and more responsible with my work and school. I'm thankful for a life that's busy because it keeps me from my thoughts which is a very bad and dark place to be. I love you all very much!

Forever&Always